SELF-TALK, RESULTS, AND FEELING GREAT!

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"SIMPLY SUCCESS" - March 11, 2008
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>Helping You Create What Matters MOST in Life and Work
Bruce Elkin: Life/Work Renewal Coach
Personal - Professional - Organizational
http://www.BruceElkin.com
Sent to subscribers only. Names are never shared or sold!
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Hi ,
After pondering the results from my survey, I've decided to shoot for 3 posts per month, with 1 longer, and 2 shorter posts. I think this will satisfy the greatest number of readers -- and fit well into my schedule.

Thanks again to all those who wrote in with their preferences and opinions. Your support and help were much appreciated.
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MONITORING YOUR SELF-TALK; INCREASING RESULTS!
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Monitoring your self-talk is an excellent way to ground yourself in current reality, and to create a solid base for actions that support your visions of desired results.

Psychologists call self-talk by different names: roof brain chatter, ticker tape talk, monkey mind, gremlin thoughts, the little reprobate that lives in the attic of your mind.

Whatever you call it, self-talk is the almost constant stream of thoughts, beliefs, stories, judgments, and conclusions that run through your mind.

We usually don’t know we’re doing it. Nor do we realize how strongly it affects our moods and behaviours. But we talk to ourselves about our lives, our actions, other people, and their actions. We chatter away about what happens to us, what we think about what happens, and what we think we shoulda, coulda, and woulda done about what happened to us.

Unfortunately, this constant nattering mostly happens outside our conscious awareness. That’s why it is difficult to monitor and change it.

It is important to monitor self-talk because it affects your moods and emotions—and your actions are motivated by your emotions. “Emote” means, “to move."

Unmonitored, self-talk—and the emotions it generates—can move you in ways you don’t want to move.
Methods for monitoring and changing self-talk are sometimes quite simple. They can also be quite sophisticated.

Meditation
Meditation is a sophisticated way to monitor your self-talk.

Meditation techniques were designed, in part, to still mind chatter so practitioners could experience “the peace that passes all understanding,” and access the deeper insight and wisdom that arises out of such peace.

Here’s what meditation teacher Eknath Easwaran says about the detachment from “problems” meditation can bring us:

"Some of the chronic problems that millions of people suffer from today might be solved by gaining a little detachment from their minds and emotions, so they can stand back a little when the mind is agitated and see the ways in which it makes mountains out of molehills. Many problems simply are not real; they start to seem real only when we dwell on them. The thorniest problems to solve are those that are not real; yet most of us go on giving them our best efforts."

There are numerous forms of meditation. It is not my place to advise you on types or techniques of meditation, only to say I know from experience that practicing meditation can be an excellent way to quiet and calm your mind.

If you’re not familiar with meditation and/or are nervous about it, I suggest you check out Herbert Benson’s book The Relaxation Response. Benson is a Harvard Medical Doctor who studied meditators and developed a non-religious relaxation technique that appears to provide many of the benefits of meditation.

Another excellent resource is Matthew Ricard’s book Happiness: A Guide To Developing Life’s Most Important Skill.
Ricard was a cellular biologist before he moved to the Himalayas to study and practice Buddhism. Twenty-five years later, he is the Dalai Lama’s French translator, and a key figure in the attempt to bring together ancient wisdom and modern science.
As well as outlining an excellent case for the benefits of meditation, Ricard’s book also describes specific techniques for practicing it.

Here are some other self-talk monitoring techniques I use with my clients.

Notice Trigger Words
During coaching sessions, I point out how often some clients use words such as should, must, have to, never, ever, but, can’t, every, always, everything, nothing, totally, etc….

Such words can be negative “trigger words” that cause you to exaggerate, judge, and catastrophize reality, and then feel awful as a result.

A client might, for example, say something such as, “Oh, I can’t do that.”

I stop them, and ask them to notice the “can’t.” I ask them to notice what saying “can’t” does for them. They usually say it makes them feel bad, stops them from acting, and erodes their hope for success.

I ask them to repeat the sentence and add “yet” to the end of it. Saying, “I can’t do that, yet,” makes a significant difference in their feelings and actions.

I recommend you try this yourself. Here’s an exercise to help.

Think of something that you’d love to be able to do but cannot. Preferably it should be something you have tried and failed.
Think about it, and then say, “I can not do that.” And note how you feel.

Then, imagine the same scenario, but this time say, “I can not do that, yet.”

Notice how your feeling shifts.

When they add “yet” to the sentence, most people say they feel “uplifted,” or “hopeful.” They feel inclined to act, to find a way to do what they can’t yet do.

You can do the a similar thing with the words “and” and “but.”

From “Yeah, but…” to “Yes, and…”
When they first start coaching, many clients say, “I want this but….”

Then they list problems, obstacles, and circumstances they imagine prevent them from producing the results.

In such a “Yeah, but…” structure, the “but” negates the “yeah,” the desire, and stops the client from acting on it. It’s no wonder they do not achieve their desired results.

Once they realize that the “yeah, but…” form is dysfunctional, I suggest my clients substitute “and” for "but.”
I ask them to say, “I want this and…”, then fill in the relevant current reality, including the factors that are already in place, those working on their behalf, and any they perceive as problems or obstacles.

It is critical to separate results and current reality. We do not want reality to influence vision. When you create, you want what you want, regardless of current reality.

To be effective, your vision of desired results must reflect what you truly want.

It is best to start with a clear, compelling vision of a result you truly want, and acknowledge current reality, as it is. Then, make changes to reality until it matches your vision.

If you say, “I want to create a house by water, but I don’t have the money,” the "but" (and the negative emotions it causes) negates the desire. Your "but" cancels out your desired result. You feel deflated, even defeated.
And all before you’ve even really started creating!

Shifting to a “yes and…” form changes things significantly.

When you say, “I want to create a house by water and I don’t have money,” the and links the two statements in a way that maintains your desire, honours your current reality, and leads you to take action to close the gap between vision and reality.
It works even better if you say, “I don’t have the money, yet.”

You might therefore conclude: “I'd do well to save each month, and think about ways to increase my income.”

Or you might think, “Maybe I can start by house-sitting a house by water and test if I really want to devote time and energy to making that dream a reality.”
Either way, you stop defeating yourself and move toward the result you want.

So as well as getting clear about what you want to create, also monitor the thoughts, stories, and words you use to describe your current reality. Combining meditation with daily self-talk monitoring is an incredibly powerful way to create a solid platform for effective action -- and results!

It can also make you feel great!
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> ARE YOU DOING WHAT YOU LOVE WITH YOUR LIFE?
Would you like to create what truly matters to you in life/work?
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I work with capable people who are stuck, stalled, or struggling with complicated life/work challenges.

I help them develop the SKILLS, STRUCTURE, and SUPPORT to make the complex simple, and get going on what matters. I also encourage and support practice as they turn visions into reality!

I can help you find what you love-and create a life that shows it!

> NOW is a great time to re-assess purpose, direction, and action. It is a great time to enter into a coaching relationship. It can help you make this year, your best year ever!

My practice is full at the moment, and I'm taking a waiting list. Spaces will come open soon for late-March and April.

I'll be taking some time off in mid-May to celebrate a special birthday. So, act now, if you're interested in spring coaching.

>If you would like my fr.ee 7-page info package, e-mail me with "Coaching Info" as the subject at Bruce@BruceElkin.com
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>QUOTABLE QUOTES:
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"The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives."
-- Louise Hay

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world."
-- Buddha

"Life does not consist of mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head."
-- Mark Twain

"The demands -- heard from pole to pole, for freedom, justice, security, equality, education, a safe environment, and a better life for the world's children -- are all grounded in, and reach downward to, this elemental human need: silence, solitude, and the right to rule one's own thoughts" the sanity of the inner life."
-- Noel Peattie

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."
-- Norman Vincent Peale
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Think about your thoughts this week. Notice what you tell yourself. Does your self-talk support your desired results?
If not, gently try to change it.
Enjoy!
Bruce
PS: Nice here today, but the wind threatens to blow the brand-new blossoms off the cherry trees. Oh, my! Life is tough. ☺
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> BRUCE ELKIN:
Personal, Professional, and Organization Renewal Coach
>Call: 250.388.7210 www.BruceElkin.com Or Skype Me!
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