How to Overcome Adversity and Create Outstanding Results in Life and Work!

" Learning how to raise our individual and collective resilience is
not just a good idea - it is imperative."
-- Daryl R. Conner, Managing at the Speed of Change


Developing the capacity to overcome adversity helps you produce
great results--in life, work, and relationships--even when the
going gets tough.

In today's changing world, it is imperative—and effective!

After just one day of adversity response training, elite NCAA
swimmers improved both their ability to bounce back after a set
back, and swam significantly faster.

After similar programs, realtors increased their sales by 250% to
320%!

Life insurance sales people nearly doubled their effectiveness!

Couples and team members who practice adversity coping skills
report better communication and cooperatio--and more fun
together!

Clearly, resilience and the ability to cope with adversity give
you an edge.


RESILIENCE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY

Resilience, the ability to cope with adversity, is imperative now.
And will be more highly prized in years to come.

A poll of 20,000 people worldwide reveals that 98% predict a more
difficult, changing, even chaotic future. Individuals, families,
organizations, and businesses all face accelerating change and
increasing levels of adversity.

We are naturally resilient. We have the potential to bounce back
from setbacks. But, we lose it over time. And, when adversity
stacks up on us, we get rigid, less flexible, less able to bounce
back.

But we can increase our ability to overcome adversity and produce
great results--even in difficult circumstances.

Learning to cope with failure and adversity can make us
successful, now, and in the future.


LEARNING FROM FAILURE

"Suppose you have tried and failed again and again," said
actress Mary Pickford. "You may have a fresh start any moment
you choose, for this thing that we call failure is not the
falling down, but the staying down."

Pickford makes an important distinction.

There is a critical difference between the act of failing and
conclusions you draw about that act.

Those who stay down judge they, themselves, have failed, not just
their actions.

Moreover, they generalize from their "failures" to illogical
conclusions such as,
"I am a failure," and "I will probably always fail."

Therefore, they assume there is no point in getting up.

But there is always a point in getting up.

Old wisdom says the sooner we make our first 5000 mistakes, the
sooner we will learn anything.

New wisdom talks about "rapid prototyping"˜fail fast, and
often. Make many small, instructive mistakes. Try, try again.

That is how you learn quickly, in art, business, and life.

It is also the fast track to success in any endeavor.


OWNING THE RESULTS YOU WANT

To cope well with adversity, it is important to stifle the
tendency to blame yourself, circumstances, or other people.

Don't focus on the adversity and why it happened.

Instead, focus on the results you want--in spite of the
adversit--and ask yourself these kinds of questions.

* Do I want this result? Is it worth working for?

* What actions can I take to make it happen?

The origin of the adversity is not as important as owning the
results you want, in spite of who or what caused the adversity.

You get more power if you "choose" the results you want. Try
this:

Say to yourself, "I choose to. . ." and then add a result you
want.

Notice how making a choice shifts how you feel.

People usually report that choosing results empowers them. It
gives them a clear sense of direction, and commitment to their
result.


WATCH YOUR SELF-TALK

Watching your self-talk means becoming aware of the stream of
chatter that runs through your mind, often without you noticing
it.

Psychologists call it roof brain chatter, ticker tape talk, or
gremlin thoughts.

Whatever you call it, self-talk is the almost constant flow of
thoughts, beliefs, stories, judgments, and conclusions you
continously tell yourself.

We usually don't know we're doing it. Nor do we realize
the potentially huge effects self-talk can have on our moods
and actions.

Often oblivious to it, we chatter awayto ourselves about our
lives, our actions, other people and their actions, and what
happens to us.

We also make judgments about what happens, and about what we
think we (or they) shoulda, coulda, or woulda" done, and so on.

Unfortunately, we are totally unaware of this nattering and the
effect it has on our mood, our actions, and our results.

So, the first step in building resilience is to notice your self
talk, and make it more supportive.

Self-talk affects your moods and emotions, and your actions are
motivated by your emotions. "Emote," means, "to move.

Unmonitored, self-talk and the emotions it generates, move you in
ways you don't want to move. But changing your self-talk
changes your action--and results!

If you make a call and are rejected, your self-talk might sound
like this: "I screwed up. I'm no good at this. I'll never
get it right. What's the point?"

Does such talk get you pumped for the next call? Not likely!

So catch negative chatter and change it.

Say something like,"Okay, that didn't go the way I wanted.
Next time, I will emphasize benefits before I describe features.
Besides, it's just one call. On to the next one."


CREATING SUCCESS IN SPITE OF ADVERSITY

If adversity knocks you down, get up. Most of success is found
is in getting up and keeping going--in spite of difficulties,
problems, and circumstances.

Success guru Napoleon Hill says: "Every adversity, every failure,
every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater
benefit."

Learning to learn from failure, taking ownership for results you
want, and making sure your self-talk supports success will help
you create the results you most want˜regardless of the adversity
you face.

So pay attention to that yappy little gremlin in your mind and
make sure s/he is only saying things that support who you
want to be and what you want to create.

Your resilience will increase. Your results will become more effective.
You will be better able to produce the success you really want, and
on your own terms.

Most important, you will feel authentically confident because you took
the time to develop compentency in dealing with adversity.
------------------------
Copyright © 2006 Bruce Elkin
Personal Life Coaching Services http://www.bruceelkin.com/

Adapted from the ebook Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods and
Create What Matters Most ˆ With Whatever Life Gives You!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bruce Elkin is a writer, coach, and consultant who helps
individuals and organizations create what matters most-in spite
of problems, circumstances, and adversity. His ebook Emotional
Mastery: Manage Your Moods and Create What Matters Most-With
Whatever Life Gives You is available on his website at:
http://www.BruceElkin.com.
-----------------------------------------------------------
You may cut and paste this article on your site or in your newsletter
so long as you include everything to the bottom of the author bio box.

Desires or Demands?

***************************************************
"SIMPLY SUCCESS" - SHORT POST – May 29, 2006
========================================
>Helping You Create What Matters MOST in Life & Work
Bruce Elkin: Personal/Professional Life Coach
http://www.BruceElkin.com
>View the current issue of my full newsletter on my blog at
http://createwhatmattersmost.blogspot.com/
***************************************************

Hi ,
The weather on the island keeps changing, as it does every spring.

And now we’re heading into June, one of the dampest months of the year in these parts. Meteorogically, real summer does not grace the West Coast of Canada with its lasting presence until July 12.

Trouble is, many people either don’t realize this, or they forget it.

As a result, when June acts more like February or March, it can be tough on those who expect it to be sunny, bright, and warm.

I know. When I first moved here from Alberta, June was always the toughest month for me. Tired of rain, I longed for summer sun.

To avoid suffering, I learned to take advice from an old Zen saying:
“Expect nothing, be ready for anything.”

It is one thing to desire June to be sunny and warm. But it is something quite different to EXPECT it to be so.

Expectations turn desires into demands. Unsatisfied demands lead to conflict -- to frustration and anger, and to sadness and depression.

Summer will come when it comes. It might be June. It might not.

Demanding weather to do what you want it to will not make you happy. Nor will complaining about it. It makes you miserable.

So, it is best to take it as it comes, and make the best of it.

“Experience,” said Aldous Huxley, “is not what happens to us; experience is what we make of what happens to us.”

If we are free from expectations about what June (or life) will bring, we are free to embrace and enjoy whatever comes our way.
------------



> ARE YOU DOING WHAT YOU LOVE? LIVING YOUR REAL DREAMS?
===========================================
> Would you like to create a simple, sustainable, and meaningful life -- but don’t yet know how to pull all the pieces together into a whole?

I can help you develop the SKILLS, STRUCTURE, and SUPPORT to
find what you really love -- and create a life that shows it.

> I have space for 3 new clients in June/July. FOR INFO, e-mail me at
Bruce@BruceElkin.com with "Coaching Package" as the subject.

> SKYPE ME! Talk fr.ee via the Internet http://www.skype.com/
---------------



>THIS WEEK'S QUOTES:
===============
“She loved the rain as much as the sun. Her least thoughts had the cheery colors of lovely, hearty flowers, pleasing to the eye.”
-- Alain

"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life -- and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do."
-- Georgia O'Keefe

“One must practice the things which produce happiness, since if that is present we have everything and if it is absent we do everything it order to have it.
-- Epicurus

“The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives.”
-- Louise Hay

“Seeking happiness outside ourselves is like waiting for sunshine in a cave facing north.”
-- Tibetan Saying
-------------------


> Please forward newsletters and short posts to those you think might appreciate them. # of subscribers last week: 498. This week: 497.

I appreciate all the help you give me. Thanks!

Have a great week. Cheers!
Bruce
***************************************************
> BRUCE ELKIN: Personal & Professional Results Coach
Author: * Simplicity and Success: Creating the Life You Long For, &
* Emotional Mastery: Manage Moods & Create What Matters
—With Whatever Life Gives You!
>Call: 250.537.1177 www.BruceElkin.com Skype Me!
***************************************************

Listening to Jazz and Blues On-Line. Oh, yeah!

You gotta know that I'm a bit of a technophobe and often don't use all the features packed into my Mac iBook and the software that comes with it.

It also helps to know that each year for the past 17, I've taken writing retreats at a little cottage resort across the bay from Port Townsend, WA.

I try to 10 days in the spring or summer, and 10 days sometime in the fall/winter. I've been going there so much, the owners now invite me to baby-sit the resort when they go skiing or sailing. So most of my retreats the last few years have only cost me my meals and any books I buy. Practicing simple, successful living even on vacation. :-)

One of the things I love best about the Puget Sound area is access to the FM radio station KPLU, which bills itself as "NPR News and All That Jazz." From about 9 to 3 each day, and again from 7 to ? they play the best jazz and blues. Great stuff in its own right, and inspiring music to listen to while struggling with the challenges of writing. Friday to Sunday nights it is "All Blues." Great for kicking back and sipping wine and reading a mystery novel. A literary mystery, of course.

When I'm down at the Beach Cottages on Marrowstone, I listen all day and as late into the night as I can. I try to suck it all up, because I can't get KPLU on my radios at home. And that has often bummed me out. Often.

Until today.

After a conversation with my twenty-something daughter who said, "Hey, you can get anything on the Internet," I suddenly wondered, now that I had a high speed internet connection, if I could get KPLU on-line. Oh, yeah!!!

I'm listening to it right now and it's filling my soul with soul. I love it.

And because I care about you, dear readers, I want to share the wealth.

You too can listen to KPLU at
http://www.kplu.org/whatson/indexlisten.cgi

And if you're ever in the mind for a quiet, ocean side retreat looking out across the bay at the snow-clad peaks of the Olympic mountains, check out the Beach Cottages. Wide sand beaches, a saltmarsh, ocean views, eagles, herons, and all that jazz.

Oh, yeah! It's the life.
-------------

Overcoming Adversity; Building Resilience

***************************************************
"SIMPLY SUCCESS" - SHORT POST – May 22, 2006
========================================
>Helping You Create What Matters MOST in Life & Work
Bruce Elkin: Personal/Professional Life Coach
http://www.BruceElkin.com
View the current issue of my full newsletter my blog at
http://createwhatmattersmost.blogspot.com/
***************************************************

Hi Folks,
Our heat wave has given way to cloudy skies and heavy showers
coming in from the south. So it is warm and wet. Typical spring.

Here’s an excerpt from my new eBook Emotional Mastery: Manage
Your Moods and Create What Matters-With Whatever Life Gives You!
------------------

From Chapter 6: OVERCOMING ADVERSITY; BUILDING RESILIENCE

“Suppose you have tried and failed again and again. You may have
a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call
failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
— Mary Pickford

Actress Mary Pickford makes an important distinction.

There is a critical difference between the act of failing and conclusions
you draw about that act.

Those who stay down judge THEY have failed, not just their action.

Moreover, they generalize from their “failures” to conclusions such as,
“I am a failure,” and “I will always fail.”

Therefore, they assume there is no point in getting up.

But is a point in getting up. Failure and mistakes do not define us.

Old wisdom says the sooner we make our first 5000 mistakes, the
sooner we learn anything.

New wisdom talks about “rapid prototyping”—fail fast, and often.

Make many small, instructive mistakes, and try, try again—that’s how
you learn quickly, in art, business, and life.

To learn how to cope with adversity, develop emotional mastery, and
become resilient, it is important to stifle the tendency to blame
yourself, circumstances, or other people.

Instead, ask yourself these kinds of questions.
* Do I want this result? Is it worth working for?
* Do I want to learn to bounce back quickly from setbacks?
* Am I willing to try again until I get right?

If you answered “Yes” to these questions, then, formally choose
those qualities for yourself.

Say to yourself, “I choose to…,” and then add the result you want.

Then notice how making such a choice shifts how you feel.

People usually report that choosing such results empowers them.
It gives them a sense of direction and commitment to the result.

That’s the first step toward building resiliency, and learning to learn
from mishaps and mistakes.
------------
> From Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods and Create What
Matters--With Whatever Life Gives You!
http://www.BruceElkin.com




> ARE YOU DOING WHAT YOU LOVE? LIVING YOUR DREAMS?
===========================================
> I coach enthusiastic, competent people who want to create
healthy, meaningful, and sustainable lives, work, and relationships --
but don’t quite know how to get started, or put the pieces together.

I help you develop the SKILLS, STRUCTURE, and SUPPORT to find what
you really love – and create a life that shows it.

> "An awesome approach to coaching."
-- T. Nelson, Seattle, WA

> I have space for 4 new clients in June/July. FOR INFO, e-mail me at
Bruce@BruceElkin.com with "Coaching Package" as the subject.
---------------




>THIS WEEK'S QUOTES:
===============
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go
through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain
in it. This is a kind of death.
-- Anais Nin.

"Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition,
there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct mistakes."
-- George Soros

"Believing in yourself, is an endless destination.
Believing you have failed, is the end of your journey."
-- Sarah Meredith

"Those who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than
those who try to do nothing and succeed."
-- Lloyd Jones

"The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a
healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top."
-- Dr. Joyce Brothers
-------------------



> Just a reminder: Please keep forwarding newsletters and short
posts to those you think might appreciate them. When I made my
big pitch a few weeks back, I had 495 subscribers. Today: 498.
I’d still love all the help you can give me. Thanks!

Have a great week. Cheers!
Bruce
***************************************************
> BRUCE ELKIN: Personal & Professional Life/Career Coach
Author:
* Simplicity and Success: Creating the Life You Long For, &
* Emotional Mastery: Manage Moods & Create What Matters
—With Whatever Life Gives You!
>Call: 250.537.1177 Visit: http://www.BruceElkin.com
***************************************************

More On Happpiness

***************************************************
"SIMPLY SUCCESS" - SHORT POST – May 16, 2006
========================================
>Helping You Create What Matters MOST in Life & Work
Bruce Elkin: Personal/Professional Life Coach
http://www.BruceElkin.com
View the current issue of my full newsletter my blog at
http://createwhatmattersmost.blogspot.com/
***************************************************

Hi ,
We are having a mini-heat wave here in southern BC. Up in the
high 20’s C (low to mid-80’s F). It’s great, especially after a long,
wet winter. Feels great!

Thanks to all who commented on the Happiness piece in the last
newsletter. Your comments are much appreciated. And I was
glad to see that it was the notion that happiness is a skill you can
develop that appealed to most folks.

To follow-up on that, I’ve added some short excerpts from Matthieu
Ricard’s book Happiness: A Guide To Developing Life’s Most
Important Skill.

Have a great week!
------------


> ARE YOU DOING WHAT YOU LOVE? LIVING YOUR DREAMS?
===========================================
> I work with enthusiastic, competent people who want to create
healthy, meaningful, and sustainable lives, work, and relationships,
but don’t know how to get started, or put the pieces together, yet.

If this sounds like you, my Creating What Matters Most coaching
approach might help.
> I help you develop the skills, structure, and support to find what
you really love – and create a life that shows it.

> "An awesome approach to coaching."
-- T. Nelson, Seattle, WA

> I have space for 3 new clients in May/June. FOR INFO, e-mail me at
Bruce@BruceElkin.com with "Coaching Package" as the subject.

---------------


>THIS WEEK'S QUOTES: From Matthieu Ricard’s “Happiness”
===============
“ Simplifying one’s life to extract its quintessence is the most
rewarding of all the pursuits I have undertaken. It doesn’t mean
giving up what is truly beneficial, but finding out what really matters
and what brings lasting fulfillment, joy, serenity, and, above all, the
irreplaceable boon of altruistic love. It means transforming oneself to
better transform the world.”
- Matthieu Ricard


“To love oneself is to love life. It is essential to understand that we
make ourselves happy in making others happy.

“In brief, the goal of life is a deep state of well-being and wisdom at all
moments, accompanied by love for every being. True happiness arises
from the essential goodness that wholeheartedly desires everyone to
find meaning in their lives. It is a love that is always available,
without showiness or self interest. The immutable simplicity of a good
heart.”
- Matthieu Ricard


“Happiness can’t be limited to a few pleasant sensations, to some
intense pleasure, to an eruption of joy or a fleeting sense of serenity,
to a cheery day or a magic moment that sneaks up on in the labyrinth
of our existence. Such diverse facets are not enough in themselves to
build an accurate image of the profound and lasting fulfillment that
characterizes true happiness.

By “happiness” I mean here a deep sense of flourishing that arises
from an exceptionally healthy mind. This is not a mere pleasurable
feeling, a fleeting emotion , or a mood, but an optimal state of being.
Happiness is also a way of interpreting the world, since while it may be
difficult to change the world, it is always possible to change the way
we look at it.”
- Matthieu Ricard
-------------------

> Just a reminder: my eBook - Emotional Mastery: Manage Your
Moods and Create What Matters Most—With Whatever Life Gives You!
– can help you develop the skills to change the way you look at the
world and explain what happens to you. It’s available on my website
at http://www.bruceelkin.com/emotional-mastery.html
------------

That's it for this week.
Please pass this along to anyone you think might enjoy and benefit.
Have a great week. Cheers!
Bruce
***************************************************
BRUCE ELKIN: Personal & Professional Life/Career Coach
Author: * Simplicity and Success: Creating the Life You Long For, &
* Emotional Mastery: Manage Moods & Create What Matters
—With Whatever Life Gives You!
>Call: 250.537.1177 Visit: http://www.BruceElkin.com
***************************************************

Us it, or lose it!

Hi Folks,
Thanks to those who e-mailed me with praise for the piece on Happiness. Much appreciated.

I'll put up some quotes from the book over the next week that I think will inpsire you. They inspire me

It was my birthday on Saturday. 63. I can't believe it. The outside ages, the inside stays kid-like. I think that's a good thing, at least to some degree. Maybe it's more like kid-like at the core with layers of maturity added through experience and learning.
Still, I don't feel or act anything like I thought I woudl at 63. I want to get fitter and more flexible, get back skiing, and up into the mountains hiking. Lately, I've been riding my mountain bike more and slowly easing my way back into shape.

My health tip of the day: use it or lose it! Especially the quads; don't let the quads get weak. Or your core. That's what keeps us upright.

Best!
Bruce

Simplicity & Success ezine, V4, #7 - Happiness

**************************************************
>SIMPLICITY and SUCCESS:
Creating What Matters MOST in Life & Work
Vol. 4, #7, May 10, 2006 All rights reserved.
Bruce Elkin: Personal Life Coach/Success Coach for 20 Years
http://www.BruceElkin.com
**************************************************

Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
-- Unknown

Hi Bruce,
The sun is shining over the islands today. The sky is blue. Birds
are singing. And people are smiling. I’m happy as a lark.

But will it last?

Is this kind of happiness the kind that depends on outside events
and circumstances, such as sunshine and singing birds?

Or is it the deep and lasting inner happiness that comes from an
authentic sense of yourself in relationship to the universe, or Self,
as some suggest.

Is happiness in the heart? Or is it in the circumstances? Perhaps,
it is a mix of both?

That’s what I’m thinking about these days.

What does it mean to be truly, deeply happy?
What’s the difference between happiness and pleasure?
How do they interrelate? How do we create both, in proper
proportions?

Interested? Read on.
Bruce
---------



IN THIS ISSUE
===========
1. Thank You Gift.s for You!
2. Coaching for Creating What Matters MOST
3. Feature Article: "This Is Not All There Is To Life"
(An excerpt from my new ebook Emotional Mastery)
4. Simplicity and Success -- My Other Book
5. From My Book Shelf – HAPPINESS
6. Other Useful Resources I Recommend
7. My Speeches, Seminars, and Talks
8. The Last Word: Quotable Quotes
------------------------



> 1. GIFT.S FOR YOU. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
===================================
On my new website, anyone who signs up for this newsletter
automatically gets a couple of thank you gift.s from me:
- Chapters 1 & 2 of Simplicity and Success,
- Chapter 10 of Emotional Mastery, adapted as a 20-page article,
"Creating What Matters Most"

If you would like either or both of these gifts, e-mail me with
"Gift.s Please" in the subject line, and I'll send them to you.
----------------



> 2. "COACHING for CREATING WHAT MATTERS MOST!"
Personal and Professional Success Coaching Program
===================================
* Stuck? Stalled? Drifting? Not living your potential?
* Unsure of purpose or direction? Or how to live it?
* Thinking about simplifying but not at the cost of success?

> I work with capable, competent people who want to create
healthy, meaningful, and sustainable lives, work, and relationships
but don’t know how to get started, and put the pieces together

If this sounds like you, you might consider my Creating What
Matters Most coaching approach.
> I help you develop the skills, structure, and support to find what
you really love – and create a life that shows it.

> "An awesome approach to coaching. It not just theory, or
problem-solving. It is about creating what matters. It helped
me put theory into practice, and produce amazing results."
-- T. Nelson, Seattle, WA

> I have space for 3 new clients in May/June. FOR INFO, e-mail me
at Bruce@BruceElkin.com with "Coaching Package" as the subject.



> 3. FEATURE ARTICLE:
===========================
HOW TO BE HAPPY – WITH WHATEVER LIFE GIVES YOU!

I think the way we make ourselves happy is unique to each of us.

The ways we make ourselves unhappy, though, are remarkably
common to all of us.

In his book The Five Things We Cannot Change … and the Happiness
We Find by Embracing Them, David Richo reminds us of these five
immutable facts of life:
1. Everything changes and ends.
2. Things do not always go according to plan.
3. Life is not always fair.
4. Pain is part of life.
5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

These are life’s givens. They are bedrock facts of our existence.

If you fight these truths, you will lose. You will become frustrated,
angry, and unhappy.

But, if you accept them as reality, and work with them, you can
think, feel, and act much more effectively.


Let’s say a love affair you are committed to suddenly ends.

A certain amount of grief and unhappiness is natural, perhaps
necessary as a way to help you learn from the experience.

However, fighting the “five givens” can make you more than
miserable.

Fighting against can make us desperately unhappy, overly anxious,
and hopelessly depressed. Here’s how it happens.


We start by arguing the relationship “should not have ended.”

But it did end. That’s our reality.

Arguing with ourselves, with the other, or with the Universe
that the relationship should not have ended puts us in a position
of arguing against reality.

What does that bring us? Frustration. Grief. More unhappiness.

Worse, when we argue with reality, we lose touch with it. It becomes
hard to orient ourselves, make decisions, and take useful actions.

Action devolves into seeking relief from suffering—which we
created by fighting the givens.

Such relief-driven actions can be dangerous, addictive, and
soul-destroying.


Accepting Richo’s first given—everything changes and ends—
allows us to embrace reality with greater equanimity.

We accept the end of the love affair with grace, which gives us
increased personal power with which to move on.

Likely, we’ll still feel disappointed and saddened by this ending,
but we will not feel desperately unhappy. We will feel pain but
we won’t suffer as we would if we did not accept the ending.


Accepting the second given—things don’t always go according to
plan—means we do not have to complain, “this is not the way it
should be.”

Who says things should always go our way? No one but us.
And saying so pits us against reality.


Life isn’t always fair. That’s true; that’s the third given.

Again, it does not help to whine and complain that the ending
is unfair. It’s best to accept unfairness, learn from it, and
move on. Try, try again.


And yes, pain arises out of endings, failed plans, and life’s
unfairness. That’s the fourth given. Pain is part of life.

But pain does not have to be desperate, overwhelming,
heartrending, and never-ending. We do not have to suffer
unnecessarily.

Researchers tell us that we suffer more from an ankle broken
when we get when hit by a rude skateboarder and knocked of
the sidewalk than if we broke our ankle sliding home to score
the winning run for our slo-pitch team.

In the first case, we suffer because we judge the break and the
pain to be unfair. In the slo-pitch case, the pain is less because
we feel good about how it happened.

Judging any pain as “unfair” increases its intensity. It turns it
into suffering.

We create suffering (which pain specialists say is worse than
pain) by fighting the given that pain is part of life. When we
say “it’s not fair,” or “there shouldn’t be any pain,” we make
the pain worse. We suffer.

Instead, returning to the pain of an abruptly ended relationship,
we can say something such as, “This ending is painful, but I
don’t have to make it more so by fighting it. I accept it as
given. I’ll get through it. This, too, shall pass.”

Taking this stance avoids suffering; the pain passes more
quickly, and easily.


Finally, as we get on better terms with reality, we realize,
sadly but not desperately so, that “people are not loving and
loyal all the time.”

Love fades. Loyalties shift. Bad things happen. This too is
part of life, the fifth given.

Accepting this given can make an ending less personal, less
about you and your flaws, weaknesses, and failings.

From the perspective of the fifth given, you can see that
other people change and, sometimes, those changes cause
them to shift their paths. Our paths diverge from theirs.
Connections become strained, then break.

Again, some of the sadness and disappointment of a failed
relationship is natural, even necessary. But much of it is
self-created and unnecessary.

The unnecessary part comes from fighting against the
reality—the given—that people are not always loving and loyal.

So, like a sailor on the sea of life, when change storms blow
you off course, acknowledge but don’t fight them.

Focus on what you want, accept reality,and change course.
That way you can go with the flow and move toward what you
truly want to create.

It won’t always be easy or effective.

Difficulties and adversity will get in your way. So be it.

Accept them.

Give yourself time for appropriate sadness and disappointment.
But don’t focus exclusively on your loss, or the pain that
accompanies that loss. Accept such loss as one of life’s
givens and rise above it.

By accepting and embracing the five givens, you will be
better able to embrace and transcend negative feelings
and keep moving in thedirection of your heart’s desires.

If you can do that, then whatever life gives you, you will be
able to keepa bright core of gentle, authentic happiness
shining within you.

> Adapted from my book Emotional Mastery: Manage Your
Moods and Create What Matters-- With Whatever Life Gives You!
Available as an ebook on my website at www.BruceElkin.com
-----------


> 4. My other book -- SIMPLICITY AND SUCCESS:
Creating the Life You Long For [Trafford, 2003]
======================================
- "Wonderful!"
- Greg Seaman, Ed., Eartheasy Magazine

- "Highly Recommended!"
- David Heitmiller, co-author of Getting A Life

- "I've read this book twice and each time I learned much about how
to create what matters. I'm sure I'll read it again and again."
- Donna Nicolson, Seattle, WA

> If you'd like a personalized, signed copy of SIMPLICITY AND
SUCCESS, send: CAD: $20 plus $4.00 S&H; or US: $18.50 plus
$4.50 S&H. It is also available as an ebook on my website.
----------------



5. FROM MY BOOK SHELF
===================
The best book about Happiness I’ve read in a long time is simply
called HAPPINESS, by Mathieu Ricard. Ricard studied cellular
genetics before leaving France to practice Buddhism in
the Himalayas 35 years ago. He is the Dali Lama’s French translator.
And his book is fantastic!

What’s unique about it is summed up in the sub-title: A Guide To
Developing Life’s Most Important Skill. Happiness, then, is not
something you seek and find. Nor is it a butterfly that comes
and sits on your shoulder when you’re not seeking it.

Happiness is a skill that you can learn, practice, and master.

Integrating leading edge cognitive science and ancient Buddhist
wisdom, Ricard lays out principles and processes anyone can
follow to teach themselves how to be happy.

Here is a quick excerpt I thought readers of this newsletters
would appreciate:

“I doubtless have a lot more practice and effort ahead of me
before I achieve genuine inner freedom, but I am fully enjoying the
journey. Simplifying one’s life to extract its quintessence is the most
rewarding of all the pursuits I have undertaken.

“It doesn’t mean giving up what is truly beneficial, but finding
out what really matters and what brings lasting fulfillment, joy,
serenity, and, above all, the irreplaceable boon of altruistic love. It
means transforming oneself to better transform the world.”
-- Matthieu Ricard, Happiness
----------------



> 6. OTHER RESOURCES I RECOMMEND:
==============================
• FR.EE VALUES AND HAPPINESS SURVEY:
Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness, offers an
excellent way to support you in creating happiness in daily life.
Go to www.authentichappiness.org and do his Values-in-Action
Signature Strengths Survey. You get an assessment of your
key values, which, if you act on them each day, will increase
your authentic happiness. I do it. It works.

* MARKETING AND WEBSITE TOOLS:
Thinking about upgrading your website and marketing
approach? I've used these products with great results and
recommend them without reservation.
* For info or to purchase a copy of THE WEBSITE TOOLKIT,
please go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=73714
* THE ACTION PLAN TOOL KIT can make designing and
implementing a marketing plan easier, effective, and fun.
Go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=73714

* A GREAT NEWSLETTER BY AN EX-CLIENT OF MINE:
If you are interested in Health, Environment, and Negotiation,
please check out the eNewsletter HEN. Written by Julia
Menard, a Victoria-based coach, and mediation expert, HEN is
an excellent source of info. E-mail
with "sub.scribe HEN Musings" in the subject line.
-----------------



> 7. SPEECHES, SEMINARS, AND WORKSHOPS:
======================================
I am available to do keynotes, seminars, or workshops for
your organization or team on subjects such as:
• Creating What Matters Most in Life and Work
• Making it Flow: Integrating Life and Work
• Creating Emotional Mastery: How to Manage Your Moods and
Create What Matters—With Whatever Life Gives You!

"I highly recommend Mr. Elkin. His framework for creating …provides
great inspiration. I sincerely hope he is invited back for a repeat of his
exhilarating workshop."
-- E. R., Mt. Royal College, Calgary, AB

> Call 250-537-1177 or e-mail me to discuss your needs.
-------------------




> 8. THE LAST WORD: QUOTABLE QUOTES
=============================
"In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes
us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy."
-- Albert Clarke

"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.
It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a
worthy purpose."
-- Helen Keller

“You can make yourself happy or miserable -- it's the same
amount of effort.”
-- Ray Bradbury

"Gratitude is the fundamental attribute that is a foundation of
happiness throughout our lives.... Here is a one-sentence
formula for becoming a grateful person: Think, speak and act
like a grateful person does."
-- Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

“Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.”
-- Mildred Barthel
---------------------



> I NEED YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT:
Our newsletter subscriber number has edged up almost to 500. But
that is less than half the subscribers prior to the switch-over to the
new mailing list manager. And it is not enough to guarantee the
continued existence of the newsletter. I need to get it up to 1000.

THANKS to those of you who do forward my newsletter and short posts.
I deeply appreciate your support. But, today, I’d like to ask each of
you to do me a BIG favor this week. Please forward the newsletter
to 1 or 2 other people before you close the screen and suggest
they subscribe.

People tell me, “I would do it, but I don’t know what to say.”

Just say, “Here’s an eNewsletter you might like to subscribe to.
It is about creating what matters most in life and work—with
whatever life gives you to work with. Check it out.”

You can copy and paste the paragraph above if you like, or make up
your own, but it would be a huge boost if we could double the number
of subscribers in the next few weeks. I’d love your help with this.

If you received this issue from a friend, and like it,
you can sign up for your own sub at
http://www.bruceelkin.com/newsletter.html

Please feel free to send me comments and feedback. Thanks!
All the best!
Bruce
***************************************************
>BRUCE ELKIN: Personal/Professional Coach
Author:- Simplicity & Success: Creating the Life You Long For
- Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods & Create What
Matters--With Whatever Life Gives You

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."
- Karen Kaiser Clark

http://www.BruceElkin.com 250-537-1177
**************************************************
All material herein is copyright © Bruce Elkin, 2006.
-----------------

Simplicity & Success ezine, V4, #6

**************************************************
>SIMPLICITY and SUCCESS:
Creating What Matters MOST in Life & Work
Vol. 4, #6, April 11, 2006 All rights reserved.
Bruce Elkin: Personal Life Coach/Success Coach for 20 Years
http://www.BruceElkin.com
**************************************************

"What is it you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?"
-- Mary Oliver

Hi Bruce,
Greetings from Saltspring Island, BC.

It's springtime on the Island. Tulips and daffodils are blooming.
Cherry and plum trees are heavy with blossoms. It rains one day,
and is bright and sunny the next. it's great!

The last few months were pretty confusing for me, but also a time
of great learning.

I got my new website up, and mostly debugged. I moved the site to a
new host. I changed my email address. I got a new computer, with a
new operating system and new programs. I changed my mailing
system. And, after I lost half my list in the change over, I am
now working to rebuild it. Whew!

Dealing with the confusion these changes precipitated involved a
long, slow slog along the flat part of the learning curve.

But, by persisting, and practicing what I preach about emotional
mastery and creating results, I made it to the steep part of the
curve. The steep part of the curve, contrary to what many think,
is the good part. It's where big results come from small efforts.

That's where I am now. The curve has turned up. I'm enjoying the
flow, looking forward to creating better results all the time, and,
joy of joys, finding time to write.

Thank you for staying with me during the change-over. Or if you
just signed up, thanks for that. Your support is much appreciated.
I'll do my best to provide you with useful and interesting content.

Bruce
---------


IN THIS ISSUE
===========
1. Gift.s for You!
2. Coaching for Creating What Matters MOST
3. Feature Article: "This Is Not All There Is To Life"
(An excerpt from my new ebook Emotional Mastery)
4. Simplicity and Success -- My Other Book
5. Speeches, Seminars, and Talks
6. Useful Resources I Recommend
7. The Last Word: Quotable Quotes
------------------------


> 1. GIFT.S FOR YOU. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
===================================
On my new website, anyone who signs up for this newsletter
automatically gets a couple of gift.s from me:
- Chapters 1 & 2 of Simplicity and Success,
- Chapter 10 of Emotional Mastery adapted as a 20-page article,
"Creating What Matters Most"

If you would like either or both of these gifts, e-mail me with
"Gift.s Please" in the subject line, and I'll send them to you
straightaway.
----------------



> 2. "COACHING for CREATING WHAT MATTERS MOST!"
Personal and Professional Success Coaching Program
===================================
* Stuck? Stalled? Drifting? Unsure of purpose or direction?
* Thinking about simplifying but not at the cost of success?
* Or maybe you just want help living up to your dreams?

> If so, consider my personal/professional coaching approach.
I provide skills, structure and support for creating rich, yet
simple, healthy, and sustainable lives and work.

"What you taught me/continue to teach me profoundly affects how I
approach my world and the influence I have on others."
-- J. Menard, Victoria, BC

> I have space for 4 new clients in April/May. Interested?
FOR INFO, e-mail me at Bruce@BruceElkin.com
with "Coaching Package" as the subject.



> 3. FEATURE ARTICLE:
===========================
THIS IS NOT ALL THERE IS TO LIFE!
(An excerpt from my eBook Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods
and Create What Matters--With Whatever Life Gives You!)

Do you ever feel stuck? Stalled? Unsure what to do next?

Are you working too hard for too little? Too tired to get it all
done? Does your body get the blues?

Do you ever feel resigned that this is all there is to life?

If you do--and such thoughts frighten and depress you--you are not
alone. "The mass of men," wrote Henry David Thoreau in 1854, "live
lives of quiet desperation."

More recently, Nicci Gerrard says, "More people die of depression
than of AIDS, heart disease, pneumonia, cancer and strokes put
together. One in 10 people in America is on drugs to help their
moods. Five percent of teenagers are clinically depressed."

This is the bad news. If you feel bad, you really are not alone.
But there is good news, too. For starters, it is not all your fault.

Genes incline some toward optimism, others toward pessimism. But
gentics only accounts for 50 percent of our approach. What we do
with the other half is up to us.

The really good news is you can take charge of that half. You can
learn to rise above pessimism, anxiety, depression, and distress.
And change your life!

Even if you are more pessimist than optimist, the emotional mastery
and creating skills I describe in Emotional Mastery will help you
manage your moods and create results you really care about.

With practice, you will find it easier to cope with, even dissolve,
depression and anxiety. You will be better able to create results
that truly matter--in life, work, and relationships--with whatever
you have to work with, and however you currently feel.

Creating results helps you feel good about yourself. It helps you
avoid the epidemic of distress sweeping over us. Your life, or the
life of someone you know, can get better. A lot better!

I know. I went through such distress 30 years ago. And by
learning and practicing the skills I describe in Emotional Mastery,
I came out happy, creative, and successful on my own terms.

How about you?

Would you like to master your thinking and emotions, and make them
work for you? Would you like to create results that matter?

Would you like to be happy, creative, and productive--with whatever
life gives you?

If so, read on. I will show you how to get started, keep going, and
follow through to results you truly want to create.


A Brief Overview
Emotional Mastery is not the last word on stress, distress, or the
problems that flow from them. It is not a treatment for these
things. Rather, it lays out a practical approach to prevent and
rise above stress, anxiety, depression, and other distress.

Much distress is self-created. It comes from a distorted view of
current reality. For many reasons, we--especially the
pessimistically inclined--often describe reality in self-defeating
ways.

But here is the really good news. If you create distress, you
can--with skill and practice--create its opposite.

You can create emotional mastery, which leads to clarity, flow,
effective action, satisfying results, and authentic happiness.
Instead of fighting what life gives you, you can learn to make it
your ally, and work with it.

I wrote Emotional Mastery to help you, or someone you know, see
your current reality as the raw material out of which to craft the
results you long for.

Thinking and talking about reality in realistically positive
ways makes your feelings positive. That makes it much easier to take
effective actions, learn new skills, and produce successful results.

Thinking clearly helps you interact better with friends, family, and
coworkers. It makes your relationships better. It helps you get
fit and healthy. It helps you produce better results in work,
sports, family, or the organizations you volunteer with and
support. It even helps you deepen your spiritual connections.

Developing emotional mastery can turn what can be a downward spiral
of distress and desperation into an upward spiral of success, real
self-esteem, and deep and lasting happiness.

In Emotional Mastery's 10 chapters, I explain how to take charge of
your thinking and emotions, and manage your moods. I describe how
to increase realistic optimism, and bounce back quickly when
adversity strikes. Most important, I outline skills with which you
create almost anything that matters to you.

In Chapter 1, "An Epidemic of Stress--And How To Avoid It," I argue
society is gripped by an epidemic of stress, anxiety, and
depression. I describe how many of us do not know what to do about
it--other than numb ourselves with nicotine, alcohol, and other
drugs, shop and eat to excess, get addicted to TV, or turn our
lives over to experts.

In Chapter 2, "How Changing My Thinking Saved My Life," I share how
I let myself get so wrapped up in problems, issues, and victim
stories I felt trapped, helpless, and hopeless. I recount how
taking my own life often seemed more appealing than living it. I
also describe how I dug myself out of despair by changing my
thinking and my moods, and learning to create results I wanted.

In Chapter 3, "What Happens To Us Is Not What Makes Us Miserable," I
show how what happens to you does not, by itself, cause bad
feeling. I show you how you create such feelings by how you think
about what happens. And how to change your thinking so you create
better feelings, actions, and results.

In Chapter 4, "The ABCs of Emotional Mastery," I introduce the
simple yet powerful skills I used to pull myself out of despair. I
show you how to use the ABCs of Emotional Mastery to manage your
moods. I help you recognize dysfunctional thinking, and change it
to
useful, realistic, yet optimistic thinking.

In Chapter 5, "The Power of Practice: From Insight to Action," I
explain why insight is not enough, and why you have to practice
these skills. And how, with practice, even practice can become fun.

In Chapter 6, "Mental Paths to Emotional Mastery," and Chapter 7,
"Physical Paths to Emotional Mastery," I describe mind and body
exercises that reduce stress, improve moods, and shift you from
pessimism to realistic optimism.

In Chapter 8, "Beyond Adversity: From Quitter or Camper to Climber,"
I show you how to cope with problems, obstacles, and difficult
circumstances. I help you assess whether you are a quitter, camper,
or climber. And how to keep going in spite of adversity and reap
the rewards of resilience and perseverance.

In Chapter 9, " Creating Positive Emotions," I explain how to create
positive emotions that provide a solid platform for action, and make
you feel great. I explain why positive emotions are key to the
foundation on which all health, wealth, and well-being rest.

In Chapter 10, "Creating What Matters Most," I outline skills and a
framework for creating almost anything. I show you how emotional
mastery and creating reinforce each other and create an upward
spiral of results and happiness.

Finally, I show you how mastering creating and emotional mastery can
empower you to create the life you most want--with whatever life
gives you.

> Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods and Create What Matters--
With Whatever Life Gives you is available as an ebook on my
website at http://www.BruceElkin.com/emotional-mastery.html
-----------


> 4. SIMPLICITY AND SUCCESS:
Creating the Life You Long For [Trafford, 2003]
======================================
- "Wonderful!"
- Greg Seaman, Ed., Eartheasy Magazine

- "Highly Recommended!"
- David Heitmiller, co-author of Getting A Life

- "I've read this book twice and each time I learned much about how
to create what matters. I'm sure I'll read it again andagain."
- Donna Nicolson, Seattle, WA

> If you'd like a personalized, signed copy of SIMPLICITY AND
SUCCESS, send: CAD: $20 plus $4.00 S&H; or US: $17.50 plus
$4.50 S&H. It is also available as an ebook on my website.



> 5. SPEECHES, SEMINARS, AND WORKSHOPS:
==========================
I am available to do keynotes, seminars, or workshops for
your organization or team.

"I highly recommend Mr. Elkin. His framework for creating the
life we long for provides great inspiration. I sincerely hope he
is invited back for a repeat of his exhilarating workshop."
-- E. R., Mt. Royal College, Calgary, AB

> Call 250-537-1177 or e-mail me to discuss your needs.
----------------



> 6. RESOURCES I RECOMMEND:
==============================
* MARKETING AND WEBSITE TOOLS:
Thinking about upgrading your website and marketing
approach? I've used these products with great results and
recommend them without reservation.

* For info or to purchase a copy of THE WEBSITE TOOLKIT,
please go to http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=73714

* THE ACTION PLAN TOOL KIT can make designing and
implementing a marketing plan easier, effective, and fun.
Check it out at http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=73714

* A GREAT NEWSLETTER BY AN EX-CLIENT OF MINE:
If you are interested in Health, Environment, and Negotiation,
please check out the eNewsletter HEN. Written by Julia
Menard, a Victoria-based coach and mediation expert, HEN is
an excellent source of info. E-mail
with "sub.scribe HEN Musings" in the subject line.
-----------------



> 7. THE LAST WORD: QUOTABLE QUOTES
=============================
"It's not the stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it."
-- Hans Selye, MD, Stress Without Distress

"Stress is an untransformed opportunity for empowerment."
-- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

"The ability to find joy in life is a tremendous strength. The
people who can laugh are the strong ones. The people who can throw
their heads back and delight in the joy of the moment are going to
live a lot longer than those of us who are stressed and pushed and
taking ourselves terribly seriously."
-- Claire Cloninger, 'A Place Called Simplicity'

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to
the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the
power to revoke at any moment."
-- Marcus Aurelius
---------------------

> THANK YOU FOR FORWARDING my newsletter and short posts. I
appreciate the support. If you received this issue from a friend,
you can sign up for your own sub at
http://www.bruceelkin.com/newsletter.html

Please feel free to send me comments and feedback. Thanks!
All the best!
Bruce
***************************************************
>BRUCE ELKIN: Personal/Professional Coach
Author:- Simplicity & Success: Creating the Life You Long For
- Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods & Create What
Matters--With Whatever Life Gives You

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."
- Karen Kaiser Clark

http://www.BruceElkin.com 250-537-1177
**************************************************
All material herein is copyright © Bruce Elkin, 2006.
-----------------